Awakening Dan McKee
The Awakening of Dan McKee
Dear lovers of the truth,
I’d like to share with you a story, a very personal story, one that all of us are a part of and will eventually experience. It is our destiny. It is our true nature.
It’s been about one year since the awakening experience. I’ve spent most of the time alone in my small motor home in the southwest desert, absolutely enjoying the shift.
Life is full of the unexpected. I was living in Sedona, Arizona, in the fall of 1997, doing psychic readings and mind-body healing just like thousands of other gifted spiritual people living there. A friend invited me to sit in Satsang with an awakened American guy named Ram Tzu (Wayne Liquorman) over a weekend. I went Friday night. He was funny. He was pretty quiet. He didn’t say a lot but I felt a very clear presence. He was in the lineage of Ramana Maharshi and was sent by his teacher in India, Ramesh Balsekar, to spread the word. All I really wanted was to experience his energy directly. Well, during his short 30 second answer I felt something inside of me dramatically shift, but I didn’t know what. The rest of the day was uneventful and I went to bed early. Upon awakening, I awoke a different person. Please bear with me as I try to find metaphors and words to explain it.
What we call the desiring-planning mind had disappeared. All the energy that normally went out into the world to achieve, had been turned off, just like pulling out an electric plug. No energy went out, everything came pouring in. I could not “do” anything. I could only “receive” everything.
The whole universe of energies fell inwards. It was and still is a total orgasm. It’s a very physical experience, not just some mental concept.
Bring to your body-mind consciousness the most incredible sexual orgasmic experience and then multiply it. Words themselves are empty but please contemplate the only words that point to the experience of self realization; total peace, profound contentment, radiating joy and deep-deep silence. It continues 24 hours a day. All desires to understand anything about God or the future have vanished. I fell into the moment.
Everything has become new, fresh and alive, without having any preconceived ideas, as if looking through the eyes of a child. My perception of the world comes through my heart which now senses only the love and perfection of creation.
Total acceptance of , what is-as is , has become my only way of encountering any person or experience. I laugh-deep belly laughs so often that I actually embarrass myself in public.
I’m still amazed, a little in shock, totally grateful and finally accepting the dramatic changes in how life appears from this perspective. This was all rather confusing at first. Even though I had an idea of what happened, I questioned my sanity at times. There was no past frame of reference to compare it to.
I found Satyam Nadeens book, From Onions to Pearls, and read it every day. His reassurance, that what I had experienced had happened to him and was happening to others, helped me a lot. I watched Gangaji’s video, “River of Freedom” every day for 1 month. Ah yes, that’s it! Over the next few months a couple of awakened Americans, including Nadeen, came to Sedona. I began to relax even deeper into the experience. I used to wake up at night in the beginning, just to check in and see if anything had changed.
Sure I had a number of satoris, of disappearing into total love, but they were all so short and eventually just faded away into the memory. Something really happened. My feeling is that more and more seekers are on the razors edge of awakening to the truth. I could never in my wildest dreams have seen myself in this position, saying what I now hold as my truth. So just for fun I’d like to share some more of my own personal experiences with you. These observations are not in any order of importance. Remember that “I” and “my” refer to this body mind mechanism called Dan R. McKee but which does not exist independently, because ONLY CONSCIOUSNESS EXISTS.
- My heart chakra seems to fill my whole upper chest and my sense of unconditional love for all life forms is greatly expanded. My crown chakra is more open as the energy of the heart flows upwards continuously. The heart is the focus of this life experience now.
- My total body has relaxed as I never expected. All nervous tension has vanished. All the muscles have relaxed.
The breath has become even and balanced under all conditions. Just simply breathing has become blissful.
Now I can watch any movie and not react, no matter what dramatic scene is going on. I even laugh at all the wrong times. I could never watch most violent movies and be unaffected before.
I talk less and I was quiet before. It doesn’t matter if I say anything spiritual or profound to anyone. I don’t need to teach anyone anything.
Most everything that I see or do is getting more transparent, like watching a movie. Each person or event is experienced as a totally perfect expression of Source in manifestation, in each moment.
I came out of my motor home one morning to talk to the neighbors. As Istood there and listened to them speak, I experienced their forms as if I were in a movie theatre and their images were being observed by me in the audience. It shook me up so much that I had to quickly retreat to the motor home and close my eyes again.
Driving the car is like both, watching the body-mind mechanism drive the car and feeling like a race car driver because I’m focused 100% on driving, yet very relaxed.
Only the moment exists. I have no idea of the next moment and I don’t want to know. Every day passes by so easily because I’m present and relaxed, not expecting anything, yet accepting fully what is.
The heavily emotionally charged desiring mind has disappeared. Even my big dream of opening a natural healing center in the Philippines, backed by years of planning, has fallen away. I still do some acupuncture and spiritual healing to help people but its earlier intensity is no longer there.
I see only Source in diversity with 100% love and acceptance of everyone just as they are. This goes for even those people and organization whom I could not have accepted previously.
My own habits and personality continue as an expression of Source through this unique mind-body mechanism.
Only the desiring-planning-distracting part of the mind has disappeared. The working or intuitive mind still functions so the body mind mechanism will experience its unique karma’s while the body is alive.
I accept without judgment my own present life circumstances whether they are easy or difficult. No need for positive thinking to create anything better. Source is running the show.
Meeting people has become more enjoyable. I especially enjoy the wonderful diversity in the ONE.
The simple pleasures of animals, the sun, nature, food etc. have all become more enjoyable.
Worry has disappeared. No kidding.
Layers of previous conditioning may surface but since its accepted and not given any energy, it just falls always. So fears, sadness, anger, etc. may surface and be expressed or watched, but there is no long term carry over, no involvement in the past or future.
In a way this whole experience is the most incredibly profound orgasmic state I’ve ever known, while on the other hand, it’s so simple, ordinary and familiar. It’s like realizing for the first time that you are breathing and that breath is life.
I immediately know when I’m out of this space. It’s like a barometer to watch the show.
My face is many times expressionless, yet the bliss may be so strong that I’m not sure the body can handle it. Now I understand the photos of Ramana Maharshi. The face muscles don’t necessarily smile when you awake. The whole muscular system relaxes. Osho was always so relaxed.
The only real desire I have left is to share in Satsang what I experience from this perspective. But even that desire is surrendered as I allow my own unique destiny to unfold.
Watching T.V. or reading the World News, leads many times to such laughter that I cannot contain it. Source loves diversity and conflict and duality is full of it.
The divine play is experienced with a sense of perfection and joy in the completion of each action and the moment to moment unfolding of each event, whatever the outcome. No one is personally doing anything. It’s all Source in action.
I don’t feel much attraction to my name Dan R. Mckee or Swami Anand Anubuddha or any other name. There is much less identification with this body-mind mechanism as I realize and experience Source as the only doer. No need for any more titles to add to my name to get attention.
Truthfully awakening is not an accomplishment because I didn’t do anything “to make”it happen. This may sound funny but I don’t feel awakening as something special. I have always been awake as Source. I just had the experience of remembering it again. I’m sure that this unique experience is one of many in the grand design of the divine play of consciousness. I now accept this awakening as it is, as I accept any other event as it is.
I’m driving home from some part time work in the afternoon, just speeding up to merge with the fast interstate highway traffic. All of a sudden that familiar sense of personnel doership, the I and me, completely disappeared again. My body mind lost total awareness of its name, where it was and where it was going. This had always lead to some fear in the past, which is quite understandable, under the circumstances. This time only laughter arose. It is very funny, to realize that the mind is like a young immature adolescent teenager, that gets easily excited, loves to ask important questions, thinks it knows the answers but cannot really listen because the next question is already there. The Pure Consciousness that is now aware of itself in this human form had to talk to the restless mind and reassure it that everything was OK, that the One Source was now operating this recreational vehicle. And even funnier was the minds total acceptance of this fact. And of course some minutes later, I again remembered my name and where I was. Yet deep inside, I knew even more, through my own direct experience, that I am only an empty human shell, that is lived every moment by the ONE LOVE.
My dreams have shifted also. I’m now more watchful and aware as they play out their reality. I’d like to share 3 dreams with you that added insight into the wake up call. In the first dream, I’m protecting my wife and child, symbolizing my inner female and inner child, from a well known attacker. We all jumped on him and held on firmly until he finally gave up. I asked him his name and he said “EGO.” Surprised I drew back and observed, only a skull and brain with batteries inside. He said “my batteries are finished, I give up” The message is clear and simple, awakening will happen not because of you but in spite of you, in its own time.
Are you ready for another dream. I just step out of my old but comfortable R.V., motor home which symbolizes my mind-body functioning. Suddenly it begins to move forward on its own. I frantically brace myself in front, legs held straight, to stop it from hitting objects and people. Suddenly it stops. I’m relieved. Again later it begins to move backwards. I run to catch it, frantically pulling myself inside to steer it. I find the
motor home is steering itself without my assistance as if being controlled by some other force. Immediately I get it. I’ve never been in control of my vehicle I watched in amazement as perfect turns were made, missing everything and everyone. I totally relaxed as I was being driven in my vehicle knowing that I could now enjoy the ride even more.
My body is in deep sleep one night, yet “I” am aware of my consciousness as it explores its function through this unique vehicle called Dan. I am 100% aware of myself as pure thought energy as all there is, completely held together by the original or Source of pure thought. Nothing was spiritual. There were no concepts. This was the simple, clear, truth. I was completely aware of my oneness with this original Source, yet I found myself also completely dependent on whatever thoughts this Source imagined, for I was only a pure thought projection, aware of itself. I could only observe. I could not act in any way on my own. I watched in utter amazement as whole scenes and lives not only passed through my inner vision but I also acted them out in the most minute detail, every scene and action, controlled by the ONE originator. This dream was as real and full as my awake human dream. There was no sense of time or space yet I both watched and participated in past and the future events. There seemed to be infused within this movement, a sense of total freedom, playfulness and pure love.Just another reminder of who I really am and who you really are.
One morning in Sedona an older woman is passing out fundamentalist Christian literature. She approaches me. I look deeply into her eyes and sense only Source as complete perfection in this being in this moment. We are both rather shocked by our encounter.
My love for OSHO has blossomed into a sense of gratitude for his role in the leela, the divine play of consciousness, and a feeling that in this life chapter he was my most loved teacher. Sometimes I even begin a prayer of gratitude but it always dies within a few words because there is no longer anyone or anything outside of myself to send a prayer to. No more angels, ET s, ascended masters, gurus, saints or whatever. Gratefulness is always present.
I’ve begun singing many short spontaneous poetic love songs a lot. The heart seems to be the focus of my experience.
I close my eyes a lot during the day to experience the deep inner silence and bliss more deeply.
I feel sometimes like I’m in the eye or center of a hurricane, in silence, watching all the chaotic movement around me. Sometimes I feel like a fish in the ocean, totally supported by the oceans water within and without. The water is love.
There is no wasted time. Whatever is happening in the moment is enough.
Realizing the self, awakening, enlightenment are all just words pointing to an experience. It doesn’t mean that you all of a sudden have access to the akashic records or that you now can perform miracles or that you immediately become a great renowned master teacher. It’s just another wonderful experience of Source, of which in most probability more exciting episodes will emerge.
There is a love so vast that it encompasses all the known and unknown universes. That love has no name. It cannot be known by the mind. Only the heart can taste the nectar of the Source. This presence is only known in silence. It always comes unexpectedly. In this divine play of consciousness, Source as perfection, manifest itself in the dualities we know so well. Do not be confused by the secondary reflections of the world as it appears. Always look deeper and sense the completeness of Source.
Remind yourself that indeed, all is well, that you are perfection itself, manifesting through in this unique body mind mechanism. Your part in the play is acted out in the most minute detail. Whatever is happening in your life bears no reflection on the truth of who you really are. There is no need to change yourself or anyone. Go deeper within your beingness. No thoughts, no emotions, only silence and wholeness within you and all around you. Remind yourself of this presence.
Carry this peacefulness with you as your body mind mechanism goes through the motions of your life. For nothing is really happening. Nothing is as it seems. Everything is just a secondary reflection. There is only One Consciousness at play here and YOU ARE THAT LOVE.
It would be wonderful if I could share this truth with you in words or through a technique but that is not possible. I can only again, remind you, that in this Divine Play Only Consciousness exists, as love, peace and silence. The great divine drama will continue but nothing is happening now or can ever happen to you, as Source at rest within your spiritual heart. All karma’s and actions are God’s, not yours. You are the instrument.
Relax into the great love that enlivens your inner being. Enjoy every moment of this incredible adventure. Your gradual awakening is guaranteed.
Update February 2000
Somehow I’ve found myself living in Chiang Mai, northern Thailand, in the golden triangle, bordering Myanmar, Laos and Cambodia. I am enjoying the move very much. This is now home base.
I’m about 3 years into the integration of this reawakening experience. The deep inner awareness of love, peace and silence has stabilized and is always present. Living life every moment is enough. The heart is still the focus of sensing the One Love. The mystery of not knowing grows even deeper. I seek no others to recognize or understand my new perceptions.
I’m even more ordinary now. I love people even more, for who they are, as Source in its endless diversity. I am no longer bothered by whatever seems to appear before my senses. This love is truly unconditional, for it desires to help and serve itself in all life forms. The freedom in accepting and enjoying what is, is far greater than my mind could have anticipated. Every day the understanding of this shift becomes more real and more simple. It’s like I’m sitting in satsang all day with the Source.
Life itself has not changed on the surface. Difficult moments have continued to arise, yet with each new experience of deeper trust, I remain more unaffected by whatever seems to be happening. My unique destiny continues to unfold. I have run completely out of money a few times while living in Thailand this past year. The sense of surrender and joy in living in the moment has somehow carried me through what would normally have caused some pain and suffering.
As I invited whatever happened, there seemed to be less and less identification with this form called Anubuddha. Living life has become even easier and more enjoyable.
There is an inner excitement that desires to explore the unknown with a sacrilegious sense of mischievous humor and tender kindness for all life.
Right now there some new excitement in the air, as I jump into the 21st century, with the aid of technology and put these Heart to Heart talks on the Web for each of you to enjoy.
Original story here