Awakening Maren Springsteen
The Awakening of Maren Springsteen
NonDualityMagazine: Can you please tell me about your awakening?
Maren Springsteen: I once read somewhere that "words are twice removed from reality", mere symbols for symbols and with that in mind, the opposite also holds true, words certainly can point to truth, be symbolic of it and represent joyous wakefulness rather than dream of separation /perceived otherness.
I'd say the same occurred in this life: where once a dream of separation was prevalent, there came a point where it was organically seen and felt that only Awake Self is already always ever-present, un-dimensionally and unconditioned, and not a nanosecond did or could anything other ever happen, that this eternally fresh, for the first time ever Now literally is Omnipresence and alive substance, yet not perceivable through the five senses until that point where Grace or Higher Reason, takes the perceived 'self'.
From which point on, even the five senses attest to THIS un-separated, whole, One...
Story-wise, this happened here this past winter following an intense 15+ years spiritual path, also after 3 years where all sleep and swallowing stopped out of the blue and with it life as I'd known it.
I was told I had fatal ALS or Parkinson's, was physically so weakened that this body was very close to passing numerous times and all that seemed left to do was surrender, surrender, every single concept, even life itself, constantly praying that my loved ones be spared suffering as much as possible, yet I was at one point at peace with what seemed to occur as all other routes had already been explored ad nauseum.
While receiving IV fluids in hospital, one day a spontaneous vow came forth from this heart to share beauty and light with all who undergo a Dark Night of the Soul, illness, bereavement, spiritual crises.
I fully expected this to be fulfilled in either 'next lifetime', the 'afterlife' or whatever dimension consciousness was going to continue in-- that there would be survival of consciousness was beyond a doubt here and also all fear of death had vanished at this point.
Even through those dark times, gracefully, somehow spirit for the most part stayed unaffected and there was the awareness of our eternal existence beyond all dimensions and conditions.
Non dual, mystical poetry being a joyous, spontaneous celebration of Life was written after a radical dissolving during a walk where I'd contemplated the physical symptoms and suddenly, attention shifted from those to the perceiver or witness of these thoughts/emotions, and there was an organic seeing ( that had intellectually been there for years, but not consistently felt) as well as feeling at once in the heart center that neither exist in and of themselves, that perceptions and perceiver are one and the same like a projector and its projections, and both seemed to drop away, and what was left was not a complete emptiness or void, but rather a fresh, new, for the first time ever alive substance, essence, as All, including this form, that could be perceived only through the heart space.
It felt it felt as if alive consciousness dropped into the heart center and seeing and feeling happened at once, for lack of better description. I wrote about that in the appendix of the book, in my notes on Greg's book and he kindly comments.
Shortly after this happened, prayer and meditation led me to a specialist in Tacoma who correctly diagnosed a genetic condition with the swallowing muscle rather than the diagnoses I'd been given, we spent our life's savings on 2 weeks and I dragged myself there with my last physical strength and my dear husband's unfaltering support and love, and he showed us on the x rays how the swallowing muscle points in the wrong direction, hence frequent aspiration pneumonia as well as a side effect and the physical part really no joy ride and I don't think survivable by this sensitive personality had there not been years of meditating as the observer/witness, contemplating our eternal nature and numerous experiences of THAT prior.
I have special braces now that over some years can hopefully as per doctor correct this condition again, yet while there's obviously so much gratitude for having been led there, the technique works slowly and this June, I was down to being able to only drink one cup of water a day, took 2 hours, aspirated every time and has to finally give in to the lifesaving feeding tube surgery that I had tried to resist by daily IV's for the longest time because of the risk of infection.
Everything works for the best, though, because this ongoing long recovery period created time to fulfill that inner vow through the collection of poems that serve as pointers and before the surgery, I was wound up in a several year long film project that took intense time as well as several other projects and life is simplifying itself a great deal now.
Physically, still feel as if hit over the head ten times with a very large frying pan since the surgery, yet spiritually feel for the most part equanimity and peace and know the body is lagging behind spirit.
Essence, or Light feels invulnerable, eternal, always fresh, and there's ongoing integration happening currently.
Origninal story here