Awakening Wayne Liquorman
The Awakening of Wayne Liquorman
Paula Marvelly: So what’s happened to you essentially?
Well, the pointer is that the sense of personal doership has gone. The subjective experience was that nothing happened. There was an event in phenomenality like any other event in phenomenality that happened through this body-mind mechanism. But the thing about that event was that it removed the sense of personal doership, it removed that which would identify that event as being significant for me because there is no one left for it to be significant for. Therefore, in the most profound sense, nothing happened from the standpoint of the 'you' that is seeking to know the difference between 'you' and 'me'.
PM. But can you possibly describe it for ‘me’?
Sure. The experience was that I was in love with two women — one of them being my present wife and the other, another very lovely woman whom I also knew. And I loved them both, which certainly creates all kinds of social problems...
PM. You should have moved to India then you could have had as many wives as you wanted!
Well, that creates it's own kind of social problems! The fact was that in the same week both of them came to me and said, 'Wayne, I love you very much but I can't do this... I'm out of here!'
PM. That’s terrible!
Yeah, that's what I thought! So, when the second one came, who was Dorothy, and she was telling me all this and started crying, I started crying and it seemed very sad and such a shame that it should happen. And as these tears were welling up, I felt the sobbing growing stronger and my reaction growing more intense and soon my body was just wracked with sobs. Then my visual field closed out and I was falling into this blackness, this horrendous, horrendous suffering. It was really awful. It was in a sense like Alice falling down the rabbit hole in an endless freefall. But as I was falling, the intensity and the pain were growing and becoming more acute - the sense that I was approaching the source pool of all suffering. My body was just heaving. I was in a terrible state.
And then there was a very dramatic kind of cessation to it. It just stopped and there was a clarity that all that suffering, all of that horrendous and excruciating pain, couldn't hurt me because there was truly no 'me' to be hurt by it and it all just was.
And I say that now — as it was happening, it all just was. The most profound sense of it was that nothing had happened. There was an event and people would be interested in this event, as this was what I and everybody else who was a seeker was looking for — the Holy Grail of seeking. But the amazing thing was that I didn't find myself convulsed with laughter at the big joke of it all. What surprised me so much was that this was it! And nothing had happened, then or ever, and this event in phenomenality was just another aspect of the one total happening.
PM. You once said it was like having a toothache and then suddenly the pain was gone.
Right. That's another analogy that I use to describe the change in perception. But with a toothache, when the toothache is eliminated, very quickly there is no longer a perception of the world through the absence of pain. In the moment that the pain goes away, you are now seeing the world through the absence of pain. It's so dramatic that the pain has gone, the clarity of your vision is because there is a point of comparison and it's fresh. But a few days later you are no longer perceiving things through this absence of pain — it is now perceived directly.
This isn't a secondary perception that what you see is dramatically there — it's just there. It's only dramatically there because your vision was obscured before and now you can see how amazing it is in the moment. But the amazement of it quickly disappears and it just is. And such is the case of the perception of the body-mind mechanism after the sense of personal doership goes.
Original article here